It has taken A LOT of prayer and thought for me to openly and publicly share this story. After much consideration, I've decided to open up FULLY about my struggles with weight and my recent decision, in the hope that it will touch someones life and help them with their own struggles with food and weight. I am feeling extremely vulnerable now that I've decided to share this with all of you, but I know that it will BLESS someone out there so I will sacrifice my personal comfort in order to be a catalyst for change and blessings.

After much prayer, research, and self-reflection, I made the difficult decision to undergo Gastric Banding surgery, better known as Lap-Band surgery. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I've either been too skinny or too fat at any given age. Last year I started TheNewLicious.com as a forum for healthy changes in our lives and as a tool for spiritual growth. I also started it because I thought if I made my desire to lose weight PUBLIC, it would hold me accountable to my readers and to those of you who are fans of some of the people I represent. Being somewhat in the public eye, I felt I'd be more accountable than the "average" person. Well, THAT DIDN'T WORK! LOL!! I lost a few pounds but inevitably gained it back plus 40lbs.I stopped posting articles and immediately stopped attending all functions with and for my clients. No more public appearances and FORGET ABOUT taking any pictures of me!

So, after I had had enough, I began researching different programs and settled on a surgeon and a post-op program I felt would work for me. For those of you who believe that having weight loss surgery is taking "the easy way out," you are SORELY mistaken!! This has been one of the most emotionally and physically grueling prcoesses I've ever endured in my entire life. All programs and surgeons are different and I'd like to share my experience with you.

My surgeon's name is Dr. Jeffrey Johnsrud, M.D. and he is the number one surgeon in California for LapBand and Gastric Bypass surgeries. He heads the Bariatric program at St. Joseph hospital. I was made to attend several clases, including Behavior Modification and support group meetings prior to even being considered for surgery. I attended all of the classes and meetings and visited with my surgeon several times and FINALLY, I was approved by my insurance for the surgery. I know that all of you see these commercials and ads where they make it seem like it's this easy outpatient surgery that takes minutes and will help you lose those final few pounds. It is NOTHING like that! That is one of the reasons I decided to share my story with all of you. I started the process towards surgery in January 2009 and I had my surgery on March 30, 2009. Prior to surgery, I had to endure TWO WEEKS with NO FOOD! I drank 3 protein shakes per day, totaling 600 calories per day. And they aren't YUMMY protein shakes you make at home. They are pre-portioned powerd protein packs. Totally gross LOL!! I was also allowed to drink water. Other than that, NOTHING. For someone who is addicted to food and/or who uses food to celebrate or mourn or eats whenever you're mad or frustrated, this process is a trying one. I had to develop different, more healthy ways of dealing with good and bad moments in my life. By the middle of day 4 of the 30 day fast (2 weeks before and 2 weeks after surgery,) I was literally crying to my Mom, "I can't do this!!! It's too hard! I can't take it!" But guess what.... I DID do it and I COULD take it!

My relationship with food is changing every day. I am no longer able to eat a burger and fries when I'm frustrated about something. And when I want to celebrate, I can no longer pick up a piece of cake. I have to find other ways to live my life that don't include food. One thing that still irritates me, is that there is SO MUCH focus on food!! I have to read about eveything I eat prior to eating it, I have to weigh all the food I eat, I have to measure all of the water that I drink, etc. Some days I wish I could just be "normal." To eat what I want and not be obsessed with it. If I was addicted to crack, and I went through rehabilitaton, I'd be able to live the rest of my life without crack. I'm DEFINITELY not saying that it's not a daily battle NOT to do crack or drink alcohol or shoot heroin, because it is. The point I'm trying to make is that I NEED food to stay alive, so I have to learn how to live with my addiction every day. Other addicts can and will survive without partaking in their addictions. I can't.

One of the things I was asked to do prior to surgery, was to write a letter to my surgeon and insurance company about why I should be selected as a candidate for surgery. That process forced me to ask myself, "WHY did you gain all this weight to begin with???" The answer was harsh, but simple: I hated myself. The other truth was that I was afraid to be hurt emotionally so I decided to put a shield up between myself and men, and that shield was FAT. I endured an abusive relationship and other abusive behaviors throughout my life and that was JUST the excuse I needed to gain all this weight. Well, I'm stronger now and I didn't need FAT to protect me because I was capable of protecting myself. And for the FIRST TIME in my entire life, I realzied that I WAS WORTHY OF LOVE and that included LOVING MYSELF. After I embraced that knowledge, the decision to go ahead with surgery was an easy one.

I confided in very few people about my decision to have surgery but those who I did share with were there for me every step of the way throughout the process. I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly thank Alicia, David, Angelina, Tracie, and Eve. They were there when I was trying to decide whether or not to have surgery, they were there when I was going through the process, they were there to take my late night calls when I was suffering through the 30 day fast, they were there for the surgery, and they have been there since the surgery. You all are my lifeline and have tought me to love myself NO MATTER WHAT WEIGHT I AM! You love me unconditionally and for that, I am forever grateful. A special thanks to all of my other friends and family who have been there along the way as well. I love and appreciate ALL of you and I thank you for enduring my years of self-hatred and loving me inspite of it.

My advice to people considering either Gastric Bypass or LapBand surgery is twofold: To LOVE YOURSELF THE WAY YOU ARE IN THIS MOMENT and to exhaust all other avenues of weight loss before you even start thinking about surgery. If you opt to take the surgical route, go into it knowing that it is going to be one of the hardest things you'll ever do in your life. However, it will be one of the most rewarding things you'll ever do!

I'm only 7 weeks post-op and it has already given me my life back in so many ways. This is the key to your success: KNOWING THAT GASTRIC BYPASS AND LAP BAND SURGERY ARE ONLY TOOLS TO HELP YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT, THEY ARE NOT MIRACLES!! I have to work hard EVERY DAY to lose wieght. It doesn't just fall off on its own. I have to eat right and exercise 7 days a week and when I don't, guess what?? I DON'T LOSE WEIGHT and eventually, I will gain the weight back, surgery or not. This is a lifelong process that I have to actively participate in each day. I have lost 61 pounds over the last 8 weeks and I am grateful that I will NEVER see that weight again! The power of life and death is in our tongues. I have chosen LIFE and I will never look back!! "I come from greatness. I attract greatness. I AM GREATNESS"!

It is my greatest hope that people will read my story and know the TRUTH about Gastric Bypass & Gastric Banding procedures and the people who undergo the surgery.If you are considering surgery, have questions about the process, would like to share your story, or are yourself going through the process, PLEASE feel free to e-mail me and I will be glad to help or encourage you in any way I can!!

*Until Next Time, LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE NOW!!!!*